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fireheart613

Literally a turtle
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And somehow, life is almost as bad as it was in 7th grade.
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Saying I'd been awake for 22 hours. I can officially say I have beaten that record. 42. I am exhausted as hell but not sleepy, so I suppose I'll write something.
I'm not on here much anymore. I didn't mean for that to happen. I'd like to get into it again, but idk if it can really feel the same, if that makes any sense? Idk. I made this account when I was twelve years old. Holy shit, that makes me feel so old.
Life is alright. Some family issues early in the year, but we're all back home now and working on them and I don't have to live with my grandma 45 minutes away from my girlfriend. So that's good.
I went into a mental health facility, also early in the year. A very unpleasant six days, but I'm fine now.
I keep trying to think of things to write like I used to, just like, stream of consciousness, like I'm talking to my friends even if nobody reads this particular journal, but I think my brain is near shutting down at this point, lol. The sleeping pills should force my insomniac ass into bed soon though.
I'm looking for a job. August 14th and I'll have been with my girlfriend a year, and I want to try to take her somewhere nice. Time is so weird. Like, it feels like I've known her forever but also like we got together two weeks ago.
I miss my friends, both online and off. Things have been... weird, for me, to say the least, in ways to where I'm kind of afraid to try to reconnect with old online friends, for fear they might think less of me or that I might get too personal or something. I'm not exactly as innocent as when I joined, and I'm a lot more open about what's actually going on with me.
I'll try to get on more. Who knows, maybe it'll inspire me to get my ass into gear and start writing more again.
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So...yeah. I've started going to this free mental health clinic in my area. I've had a few meetings with my case manager, and today I went to see a Doctor, and he prescribed me antidepressants. And...yeah.

...Okay, so, like, I asked to go. It's this free clinic that my parents have been going to for years now. And, basically, I've been really unhappy for, well, quite a while now, so at some point i told my parents that I wanted to go. And...again, yeah. 

And...and to be honest, I am glad I am getting help, because I do have issues, and no matter how much I like to convince myself they aren't bad enough, I do need help. It's just...well, the entire experience feels just really alienating. :/ 

It's just...weird, you know? The whole thing feels just super duper fucking weird, an I keep trying to find someone to talk to besides my dad, but nobody ever responds to my texts unless I'm asking them to a movie or something. (and the vast majority of the time, not even then.) And the one person who usually does respond is not someone I'm close enough to to be comfortable talking about emotional stuff with. 

And, in the rare moments when somebody does respond, I just...like, most of my friends are busy, I get that. It's summer, theyve got vacations to go on and school plans to make and other friends who can actually drive and live close by and have money on them... and I just...

This entire thing is just making me feel really lonely. Like, I get that I'm no perfect friend myself, and I do sometimes require a lot of alone time, but... I'm really trying to find some support, because I'm really nervous, and I'm really scared and confused and I feel like it'd be a lot easier just if I could have someone around that didn't seem annoyed by me, and just...there's really nobody there. And...well, it sucks. It really sucks, and I don'tr really think here's anything I can do about it except sit around by myself and wallow and hope to god that these antidepressants take effect sometime soon, cause hopefully that'll at least take the edge off.
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...And I plan to stay up for at least fourteen more!

...If you're wondering why, the answer is 'to see if I can'. Hahahahaa.
So, anyway, if anyone wants to like, chat or something, I'm  really bored. Also slightly loopy, so you know, might say something funny.
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That I have changed neither my ID or my avatar since, oh, about 3 years ago. And, seeing as my tastes have changed a bit since I was 13 (As peoples' tend to do.), and seeing as I am having on of the first semi-productive days I have had in quite a while, I will likely be changing both very shortly. So...yeah. New avatar! Woo!
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Featured

8. Fucking. Years. by fireheart613, journal

I saw a journal from a few years back by fireheart613, journal

Guess who's now on happy pills? by fireheart613, journal

I have been awake for 22 hours! WOO! by fireheart613, journal

It has recently occurred to me... by fireheart613, journal